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Bigger, Longer, Thicker
by The Editors at AFF

Barely out of her twenties, Tristan Taormino has authored several books, including Down and Dirty Sex Secrets and The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women. She's a regular columnist for Penthouse.com, The Village Voice, and Taboo Magazine among others, and she's produced two videos, Tristan Taormino's Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex (1 & 2). Earlier this spring, when she was invited to speak at a University of North Carolina campus, detractors ruefully labeled these two demonstration videos "porn," so we could loosely say that Ms. Taormino is also a "porn star" (just kidding Tristan). Proud designer of butt plugs (you can find the "Tristan" at your local sex toy store; and the Tristan 2 is hot off the presses, so be on the lookout), Ms. Taormino spoke to us recently between stops on her frenzied tour schedule. Other news is that Taormino's just completed The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women II, which "should be out in 2005," she told us. "And that's going to be, well, much like the butt plug: bigger, longer, thicker." You can check out more of Tristan at her site, puckerup.com.

AFF: There was a bit of an uproar in North Carolina recently over the fact that UNC had hired you to give a lecture. What issues do people have with your lecturing on college campuses?

TT: There are still people who believe that college students shouldn't be paying speakers to talk to them about sex. There are still people who believe that if we talk about sex then we're encouraging people to have sex. And my thing is just giving people information. If they weren't like having sex to begin with, they're not going to run out and have sex. I just want to, when they do have sex, to let them know how their bodies work, how they can experience pleasure, and what are the risks and responsibilities for having sex.

AFF: So what do you generally talk about with college students?

TT: Mostly when I go speak at colleges I really give my sort of Human Sexuality 101 class. People are 18 - 22, it's a pretty young group of people. And I just think that there isn't enough sex education in this country. These are clearly kids who have gone through high school and have parents, but no one has talked to them about sex. The way they get their sex information is these images they see on television or in movies but it's not backed up with actual education.

AFF: What kind of questions do they ask?

TT: Oh mygod. Everything from like "does every woman have a G-spot?" to "what's the best position?" "is there such a thing as masturbating too much?" A lot of the questions are sort of the same question couched in different terms, which is like, "I've had the experience of thinking about this or feeling this -- am I normal?" So part of it is just validating people and giving them permission to like explore their sexual self.

AFF: So what trends do you see in terms of how college kids are viewing sex these days?

TT: I think that there is sort of a conservative streak in this country that's getting stronger. And in my experience of touring colleges this past couple of years, I think students are getting more conservative. And I'm not just talking about the students who are self avowed college Republicans or have protested my appearance or any of that. I'm just talking about the general population that shows up to my talks. And I've talked to people like Suzy Bright who obviously has been doing this a lot longer than I have and she has noticed the same thing as well... And I think there's a little more -- I don't know if it's like a prudishness -- a little more of like "oh mygod, we're talking about that?" I remember my college years and it was like, you're like a little sponge for information and different ideas and different points of view and different perspectives, and people are still like that, but I think there's a little more of a sort of reservation about talking about the stuff.

AFF: Discussions of sex have gone more private.

TT: Which I think is crap cuz I don't think sex is private. That's like a myth.

AFF: You probably don't see this prudishness at the sex toy stores.

TT: Different people have different comfort levels, you know. When I'm going to a place like Toys in Babeland [Seattle, NYC] or Grand Opening [Boston, L.A.], people who have found those stores to begin with have a comfort level with sex and have sought out a place that's sex positive and woman friendly. So the people who I meet that come to the shops there have a little bit more of a working knowledge of sexuality. They're more savvy and just, I think, they're more into talking about sex, hearing about sex, and exploring sex. Obviously not across the board.

AFF: A lot of AFF members are on the site to find people who they know are into the same sexual experiences they're into. In traditional dating, you often find out too late that your partner thinks something you enjoy (whether it's bi-curiosity or foot worship) is disgusting or weird. You mentioned earlier that people often ask you if certain sexual practices are "normal." Let's talk about that for a bit. For example, what some of the things that people think are taboo, but that you might encourage them to do?

TT: I want to encourage people to do whatever it is they want to do. I've heard the story of people who've had partners sort of chastise them or shame them. The fascinating thing is, it's really for everything. I mean everything from the simplest thing like a woman wanting to touch herself during intercourse, which to me seems pretty standard -- you're hand's there why not use it? I mean from that to women who are female ejaculators and their partners are freaked out by it, think they're peeing, to men who want to explore anal sex, men who actually want to be on the receiving end of anal sex and bring it up with a partner and they're completely freaked out by it. I mean it really runs the gamut. Again, it shows how different people are and how we're all kind of unique in what that line is between OK and freaky. That's different for everyone.

AFF: So how do you define that kind of boundary?

TT: My thing is like, anything that consenting adults who are of sound mind, who are going in with positive motivation, I say "go for it."

AFF: A lot of people ask you questions about anal sex -- so what do you tell guys who ask, "how do I get my girlfriend to try it?"

TT: You know, I think it's a valid point of discussion to bring up -- you know like "hey honey, what do you think about this?" And I think part of the problem is that many women have had negative experiences in the past, and they like don't want to go there again. Which is valid. Sometimes it takes a leap of faith and a great deal of trust to say, "OK, I'm going to try this again. Like this time, you're a caring partner. That they're going to take their time and they're not going to hurt them. I think it takes a great deal of assurance on the male partner but also a leap of faith and trust on the female partner. The other thing is, if someone has never tried it and says "absolutely no way, there is absolutely not way this is going to happen," I think it's valid to say, "why?" Because I found in my experience that when people dismiss it right away and say they're never going to do it, a lot of times that is based on myths and misinformation about it. In other words when you press them, they say, "well I heard I'm going to lose bowel control and be in diapers." Or, "I heard that women can't experience pleasure from it, it's just for the guy" -- that's not true. "I heard that it's going to hurt like hell" -- not if you do it right. So for me, it's like the misinformation is part of what holds people back from even trying it or even exploring it. And I think, especially if you're in a relationship -- I think that people need to set boundaries and they need to say what's OK and what's not -- but I think there should be some discussion that accompanies that. So I'm not recommending that people coerce people or try to convince them, it's not that. I just think that you should be able to discuss the stuff. And you should be able to make a case for why you don't want to try something at least once.

AFF: A good place to start might be how good it feels for women.

TT: Absolutely!

AFF: You've talked before about how incredibly good anal sex feels for women. Is that just some women, most women, or what percentage would you say -- if it's done right?

TT: All women. If it doesn't feel good, you're not doing it right. The truth is, the area is so rich in nerve endings. The amount of nerve endings you have in your ass equals the amount of nerve endings you have in your pussy -- not equal to the clitoris because we know the clitoris has 6000 nerve endings, the most sensitive part of the human body. But it is equally as sensitive as the pussy. Just having it stimulated or having vibration or penetration, it can feel really good. And then in addition, women can have indirect G-spot stimulation through anal penetration. I've always said too, when you have anal penetration or stimulation plus clitoral stimulation, also a great combination. Cuz remember, everything's connected. It's not like you're rubbing the clit over here and you're like rubbing the ass over here. It's all connected -- tissues, blood vessels -- and so you stimulate one area the other area gets aroused. You know, I just encourage women to throw out that myth that it doesn't feel good for them and then really explore how it does feel to them.

AFF: And how does anal sex feel for guys?

TT: Guys on the receiving end of anal penetration -- same thing. Tons of nerve endings, feels really good, and you also have a prostate. And you can directly stimulate the prostate through anal penetration. You know a lot of guys I think that the fear is, when I say prostate stimulation, they think "prostate exam." And they're like in the doctor's office with a proctologist and he's giving the lecture about prostate cancer and then he puts on a rubber glove and sticks his finger up your ass. That is not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about someone who you really dig, who you're attracted to, who you maybe even love, sucking your dick and then sticking their finger up your ass -- completely different experience.

AFF: What's the quickie primer on anal sex?

TT: I'll give you the top ten ingredients...

[to be continued]