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Give Good Sexual Massage
by Maris Lemieux If there's one thing that takes the fun out of rush-job sex, it's stress. Focusing on the task, the goal, trying to measure up to some expectation -- is this going to be better than last time? or am I losing it? Sexual massage knocks stress out of the picture. And replaces it with something bigger.

An orgasm centered in the genitals may offer nice, sharp pleasure, but an orgasm expanded through the body is -- well find out for yourself. Sexual massage moves the focus of orgasm so that it covers the whole body, stretching lovemaking out in a sensual and exciting way.

The idea of sexual massage comes from Taoist traditions built around moving energy through the body. We may have heard about this sexual energy being called chi, but not realized that Taoists also consider the hurricane chi and the force that moves the planets chi. Chi is the life-giving force that comes in many forms. And it can be moved through the body during sexual massage.

This way, orgasm is a whole-body experience, not something confined to one small mound between the legs. If you can't get behind the idea of moving energy, then think of it simply as the power of touch to get the blood flowing. All kinds of internal organs can get in on the fun, and as a result become healthier as you play. And in loosening up other organs, sexual massage creates a greater flow, body-wide. Greater flow leads to greater orgasm. It's a nicely circular system.

In addition, sexual massage will have some very concrete effects on your foreplay:

1) It slows things down.
Not that you always want to take it slow. But since the fast way comes more naturally, some of us haven't had much opportunity to go beyond it.
2) It relaxes.
Many of the "problems" both men and women encounter in their sex lives (premature ejaculation, failure to achieve orgasm, etc.) are caused by stress and tension stored in the body.
3) It builds up sexual energy.
If you can let go and get into the massage, sexual energy circulates more freely, generating energy you didn't know you had. The more energy, the bigger the release.

But the proof is in the experience. So, on to getting started.

You'll want to start your sexual massage with about 10 minutes of what might be called warm-up, massaging the least sensitive area -- the back. Not only is this ideal for new lovers, it's ideal for those hot, horny couples who may otherwise find themselves "jumping the gun." The idea is to establish the sense of trust, comfort and relaxation before arousing sexual energy. The sexual energy that ultimately comes up will be more extensive.

Two things the person giving a massage must master:

First, whenever you give a massage, try to keep your posture very straight. In Eastern massage, you are a channel for the energy that goes back and forth between you and your partner. A hunched over channel is a constricted channel.

Second, concentrate on breathing deeply as you touch your partner's body. Take large, slow breaths. In this way you can communicate relaxation through your hands.

Now, have your partner lie on his or her stomach. Rub your hands together before massaging to build up warmth and energy. If you're good at visualization, it's a good time to picture some form of sexual energy flowing from you to your partner. Picture a fire in your hands (and if you're real good, in your naval area). Whether or not your partner feels any differently as you imagine these energies, they'll feel the warmth in your hands. Also, your warmed up imagination can add electricity to the overall experience. Now for the hands on.

-- Start just below your partner's neck and push the tips of your fingers, both hands, back and forth in small cradle motion. Your fingers should be facing down the spinal column, so it's easiest to position yourself above the shoulders, near the head. Gradually move this rocking motion down the spine until you reach the small of the back. Then work back up the spine again doing the same thing. This column is a pathway for sexual energy to follow.
-- Spend time just resting your palm over the two endpoints of this column: Between the shoulder blades (just under the neck) and over the tail bone, just above the butt crack. One hand at a time. Again as you rest your hand, imagine sending warmth through to your partner.
-- Then up the ante. In the same place, between the shoulder blades, drop your balled fists onto the skin, one at a time, letting them fall lightly in a rhythmical pattern. This is called percussion. Use only the force of gravity, left, right, left, right. This can feel stimulating to your partner and can put them into a light, positive mood.
--At the lower end of the spine, take the fingers of both hands and create the rocking cradle motion (up and down the tail bone) in the valley at the small of the back. The happy news is that with this movement you are awakening the genitals.

You can repeat these steps as many times as you like. And take them as slowly as you like. Each second spent in this stage builds up energy reserves: yours, so you'll be even hotter the continued massage, and your partner's, so they'll start to feel the first little seeds of hot arousal. You're building the big one here.

B PHASE. Increase the hint of sex while your partner is still on his or her stomach.

-- Using your fingertips, start "drawing" a large square pattern that goes from between the shoulder blades out to the shoulders, down the sides (here you can stop, lightly take hold of the skin and pull outward, stretching the skin), down to the hips and sideways, across the bottom of the butt, down between the legs to the perineum (that small island between genitals and butt hole), where your two hands should meet. Press them together and run them upwards through the crack (but not deeply) and up the spine in two parallel columns. Repeat the square once again. This time using not fingertips, but the flats of your hands. Continue on like this, alternating from fingers to palms, until meat is tender :) -- or for ten minutes.
-- Now you have worked up to the inner thighs. It's getting hotter. Start all the way at the ankles and gradually run your fingers up the inner thighs to the perineum. At the perineum, press with your fingertips. Remember to refrain from any movements that are more sexual than this slight perineum massage. Save those for later.
-- Massage the butt cheeks by bringing your fingertips up through the crack, spreading the cheeks and continuing on out in a circular pattern that goes to the partner's sides and back under the butt cheeks to the perineum. Do this for a couple of minutes -- awakening the bottom.
-- Hold the butt cheeks open as you massage the perineum with your thumbs in a circular motion -- a clockwise circle will get the sexual energy going. A few minutes is good here.

Though this phase is still about opening up your partner's pathways so that sexual energy can travel freely, quickly, these movements are obviously knocking at the door of sexual arousal. The good part is that these moves encourage the arousal to take place all over the body, not just in the genitals.

Before having your partner turn over, find out if he or she feels relaxed, feels warm, feels energized. Ask for feedback. What sensations are they having? Hopefully you are feeling some of the same things, a feeling of being energized, a connection to or warmth towards your partner, and so forth. When you are pretty sure that your efforts have brought both you and your partner to a deeper state of sensitivity and warmth, it's time to go to work on the front.

[to be continued...]

Build sexual suspense: Practice this part of the massage on its own, till next time. Take turns, you and your partner, at the giving and receiving end of the massage.

Big Bang Challenge: If you want to have a really big bang when you get to the full bodied massage, practice this massage and don't have sex at all until next week when you can do the complete massage and go for the gusto.

Word for the week:
The best orgasm is often one you have to wait for.