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Building the Big One
by Maris Lemieux Maybe last week you were wondering how come "sexual massage" never got to the sex. We're getting there. This week it's outer genitals; next week, we bring massage right inside the inner chambers. [And we're keeping Part 1 around, in case you missed it -- see "Sex Secrets."]

The idea behind this slowly progressing sexual massage is that if you get the whole body involved, starting with your internal organs, there's a greater flow (blood flow, energy flow). So when you bring up that hornier-than-ever feeling, it spreads like wild fire through the body. The sexual response then opens to a very big banquet of sensations indeed.

This Taoist (slow-style) approach has been known to work wonders for women who have a hard time reaching orgasm and for men who have a hard time getting an erection. But it's even better for people who are used to having sex hard and fast. It adds a slow option to their sexual repertoire. Suddenly there's room for variety, surprise, and those moments one never forgets. A lover won't easily tire of a partner with this kind of sexual range.

It's interesting to look at the sexual language of the people who first developed these practices, language that tends toward quaint, florid terminology -- the penis is the "jade stalk" and the vagina is the "jade gate" or "cinnabar grotto" or "moon grotto." What we're calling energy, Taoists call "fires." Sexual energy is called "Original Fire"; heart energy is called "Joyous Fire." So in Taoist terms, the preliminary work we did in last week's session, rocking the spinal column from behind the heart to behind the genitals, is called "Mixing the Fires."

If you like to use imagination with your love play, picture these exotic terms as you approach your lover's genitals (for example, think of the vagina as a gate or grotto or the penis as a jade stalk) and let the images recreate your sexual world as a bigger place filled with elegant power and romance.

Last week, we left your partner (or the massagee) on his or her stomach, feeling all relaxed, maybe tingly, definitely "primed." We got a good start on spreading a low-level sexy feeling through the body. At this point, the person receiving the massage should just be starting to get it -- that big things come (or big comes go) to those who wait.

Start by turning your partner over on his or her back so you have access to the jade and grotto (at last).

PHASE C
(Instructions that work for both women and men)

1) As your partner lies on his or her back and gets comfortable, once again, rub your hands together to build up warmth and energy.
2) Place your hands, palms flat, above and below the navel. Let them rest there a few seconds (for suspense, but you can also close your eyes and picture energy or light flowing from your hands to your partner's body). If you have massage oil, this would be the time to add it to your play.
3) Begin circling your hands both in a clockwise direction, one behind the other. Let them cross each other, right over left, when they meet.
4) As you feel the heat build, lighten your touch. If you're good at visualization, this would be another good time to picture sexual energy, heat, fire, light, etc. flowing from your hands into your partner. Just treat it as a sexy fantasy, and play with it.
5) It is also a good time for the receiver to imagine warmth coming from the giver's hands and expanding through them. Again, feel free to imagine sexual energy, desire, passion -- whatever raises the stakes for you.
6) After a few minutes of this, rest your hands on your partner's lower abdomen for about half a minute so that your fingers are touching the pubic bone.
7) To match this seed of arousal, move to your partner's breast bone and with the fore fingers of one hand, make small clockwise circles for about half a minute. This helps "mix the energies," and expand the path of sensation. In simple Western terms, it builds anticipation.

Now you're ready to broaden the arousal.
8) Hold your hands together, as if in prayer, and start by touching your partner's perineum (small smooth area between genitals and anus) with the fingers of both hands. Rest your fingers there a few seconds, just for the thrill. Then draw the hands upward, to either side of the cock and balls or pussy, so that you're surrounding the real sensitive parts with touch. You should be ever so close to your partner's balls, cock or slit -- close enough to excite your partner, but not touching. Now with flat palms, continue to draw your hands upwards. You're going to trace a path that goes up along your partner's sides up under the armpit, over top of the breast, towards center chest, where your hands meet at your partner's breast bone. As you go from the armpits across the top of the chest, don't miss the opportunity to brush their nipples lightly with your thumbs. This move is a winner.
9) Repeat that large square, from perineum to upper breast bone, several times. You can let your thumb play a little heavier on the nipple with each pass. The person receiving this massage will find it oh so stimulating.
10) Now your focus moves closer to the genitalia. (Your partner will be very glad to hear this.) Starting just above his or her knees, move you’re your palms upwards along the inner thighs, let them meet at crotch bottom, the perineum, and expand back out over the upper thighs and down the outer thighs back to the knees. Create this elongated oval for several minutes.
11) The next moves heat things up quite a bit. Depending whether you're massaging a man and or a woman, the moves will be slightly different.
a) Massaging a woman: Start with very light fingertip pressure at the perineum, draw the fingers up between inner and outer vaginal lips, bring them together just over the clitoral hood, then spread them so that you're sliding them down the outside of the outer vaginal lips, to meet back at the perineum. Up the middle, out, down around the sides. Each finger is circling a labial lip, close enough to the clit to make it jumpy. After a few minutes, your partner should be quite aroused, not to mention wet.
b) Massaging a man: Fondle his penis lightly in one hand, cup his balls, and just hold them there briefly. Then pull his cock straight in one hand; the hand holding his cock can be lying on his pubic bone. With the thumb of the other hand, run it upwards from his perineum so that it traces a line between his two testicles and up the center of his shaft. Then run it back down, slow and teasing. Repeat this sequence. Shortly, your man should have an erection. At that point get to the top of his shaft and, alter the down stroke as follows: Instead of just the thumb, use thumb and forefinger. From the top center of his shaft, let them split you're so that you make an upside down U at the top of the shaft and with thumb and forefinger separated slightly, come down on either side of the under-shaft creating two parallel lines. Continue running your thumb and forefinger up the middle of the shaft and down either side. And keep it up for a few minutes.
The partner at your fingertips, be they male or female, is going to be one hungry camper at this point.
11) So here, your massage becomes very focused.
a) For women: press gently on the clitoris, then with your index finger pad, make a very small circle, just large enough to surround the button of the clitoris. Continue tracing this small clockwise circle for about three minutes.
b) For men: If your partner has a hard-on, hold his cock in one hand and run the index finger of your other hand in a clockwise direction around the sensitive rim of the glans. If he is soft, make very small circles at the frenulum, that little pinch of skin at the top underside of the shaft, just below the bulb. Keep your movements slow, even, light.

Things are quite heated up here. And this ends the second session of your sexual massage.

Of course, it would be a perfect jumping off point for those full intercourse, cunnilingus and fellatio, or other orgasmic endeavors.

However, the most intrepid sexonauts may want to take up our challenge, below, and hold out for the third and final session in our sexual massage: massaging the inner sanctum.

If you'd like to hold out, but you're doing such a great job that your massagee is about to blow, bring them down slightly with a massage to the temples. Rub your hands to warm them. Hold his or her head between your hands (or between your knees if squatting and rest your fingertips at their temples. Have them close their eyes. Trace small, light-pressured circles at their temples for three minutes or so. And then …

[Stay tuned for the final session, next week …]

Build sexual suspense: Practice this part of the massage on its own, till next time. Take turns, you and your partner, at the giving and receiving end of the massage.

Big Bang Challenge: If you want to have a really big full bodied bang when you get to the final massage, practice this massage without having sex until next week. Next week you can do all three messages, the complete treatment, and go for the gusto.

Word for the week:
The best orgasm is the one you wait for.