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The Grim Reapings of Girly Golf
by Lisa Chavez After reading about Ultimate Poker Babes, a strip poker game show on Pay-Per-View, and hearing a whole lot of noise about a recent study claiming that 1% us folks are completely asexual (no sexual desire, towards anyone, ever); and after facing the fact that some international study shows France as the sex capital of the world (judging by number of fucks per year), and learning that a judge in Brazil forbid a boy to have genital-shaped candies at his 16th birthday party; after hearing about the teenaged soldiers caught out in the open, in flagrante delicto (naked from the waist down, oh, my!) by tourists visiting Fort Alamo in Texas, and after viewing the outdoor sculpture of a boy who from one angle appears to be exhibiting a rather daunting penis… after all that, the winner of the most fun sex news story of the week is that this week we heard the final sentencing of the girlie golf party raid, as reported in the L.A. Times.

It's funny, because the arresting officers -- plain clothed sheriff's deputies -- infiltrated the 2002 party at Hidden Valley Golf Club on golf carts (the valley should have stayed more hidden). Was this putt-putt approach designed so officers might blend in with the crowd of rich businessmen who had shelled out $200 each for this day of sun, golf action, and other hard driving action? As the carts tooled along the tournament course, the deputies passed tent after tent which lined the golf course. Outside each tent was a sign that advertised the services and prices offered within, a cool drink served by a luscious birdie, some relaxation for the eyes provided by a fifth hole stripper, some help with a patron's stroke. Most of the eager golfers just wanted to get in a few holes.

With their clever whore tents, the Hidden Valley girlie golf used a method as old as the profession of prostitution itself. Check our ALT magazine archives for an article on prostitutes at the Olympic games of the ancient Greeks ("The Naked Olympics: A Book Review" on Tony Perrottet's book The Naked Games) to see how prostitution was an important commercial aspect of the Games as well as a smoothly run operation. Houses of prostitution from all over the world came to set up elaborate tents in an outlying area not far from the Games, from which they conducted their welcome business. Like the girlie golf pros, these establishments listed their fees and offerings outside their tents, frank and mercantile as you please. And inside they entertained potential customers, sometimes dancing, often dressed in sheer clothing, to showcase the wares and entice them to pay for services in the higher priced inner "rooms." The Hidden Valley golf raid swept up 17 hookers, strippers and "drink girls" along with 90 golf johns, balls in hand. As it happened, one of the young prostitutes was on the young side of the law -- 16 to be exact. And that put the organizers of the event in very nasty stead with the law.

This week, the sentences were handed down to the three organizers of the golf event. Testimony showed that these three had "lured" potential golfers away from strip clubs to pay the high entry fees for this golf-and-porn tournament. Funny that over 150 golfers had no problem paying for entry. (The record doesn't show whether the gentlemen paid for front or rear entry.) But some of the golfers were so eager to get on the course and practice their drive, that, well, they showed up without their clubs (deputies later claimed this was a dead giveaway.)

The story doesn't exactly have a happy ending. In the sentencing, the three porn party organizers earned various combinations of house arrest, felony probation, large fines, and hours of community service. Two of the johns were convicted of engaging in prostitution, and the 16 year-old's mother is still up against charges of prostitution and child endangerment. Riverside County Deputy Dist. Atty. Arthur Chang told the Times that he wanted to send a clear message. We got it: Girly Golf doesn't pay.